Law of Attraction & Parenting

Parenting through Your Heart Series (Part III)

As parents, we’ve all been there.  We catch our child doing something that we disapprove of.  We get upset.  We tell them not to do it and why.  We set the rules and warn them of the negative consequence if they break them.  We come up with strategies to prevent them from doing it again.  We worry and hope it works.  Then, a week, a day or an hour later… they do it again!  And again!  And again!

Sound familiar?

Did you know that what you are thinking, saying and doing to prevent “unwanted” behaviors in your child may actually be contributing to them doing it more?

What you focus on expands.  This is the basis of the most powerful law in the universe:  the Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction states that energy attracts like energy to itself.  Everything in our universe is energy.   Everything that you see, hear and feel is made of energy particles that are moving and vibrating.   Things that look solid to you, like your car, your phone, even your body, if you look at them through a powerful microscope, you see molecules, protons and electrons buzzing in space.  Even your thoughts and feelings are energy!

Thanks to the Law of Attraction, you are like a powerful magnet that attracts what you are thinking about.  When these thoughts make you feel emotion, positive or negative, you attract things, experiences and people that match your thoughts even faster!  Why?  Because your powerful emotions emit a strong frequency that attracts what you are focusing on. The result: you get more experiences that make you feel the same way.

If you are thinking about things you like and want and feeling good about it, you are attracting more things that you like and want.  On the other hand, if you are thinking about things you don’t like or don’t want which make you feel negative emotions, you will most definitely attract more things that you don’t like or don’t want.

So how does the Law of Attraction relate to parenting?

To continue with our original example, let’s say that you saw your children fighting.  You got upset and frustrated (two negative emotions).  You told them not to do it again and explained all the reasons fighting is not acceptable.  (You focused on what you do not want). 

You warned them that if they fought again, they would have a time-out and would not play their favorite video game for a week.  (You set up an expectation of what you do not want and told your children about it.)  When your spouse got home, you told him/her how frustrated you are about all the fighting and how you can never have a peaceful moment in the house.  (You dwell on the negative behavior and affirm that you will never get what you desire).

Can you see how your focused attention on your children’s undesired behavior is creating the perfect scenario for it to happen again? 

Every relationship experience you have is caused by your thoughts, emotions and expectations.  Therefore, to change your relationship experience with your children you must change your thoughts, emotions and expectations of your relationship with them.

To create real change, you cannot focus on what is.  Real change comes when you put your attention on what you want until you feel good about it.

Next time you notice your child doing something you do not want, instead of focusing on what is “wrong,” you can use the Law of Attraction to your advantage.  First, step back and take a deep breath, then you can try the following “Parenting Through Your Heart” steps:

1.  IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WANT. 

“What do I want?  What do I believe I don’t now have or that I want more of?"

(Sometimes it is easier to gain clarity about what you want by knowing what you do not want.  EXAMPLE:  “I do not want fighting and arguing.  I want the yelling to stop!”)

EXAMPLE:  “I want to feel better.  I want to experience Peace in my home.  I want LOVE, COMPASSION, RESPECT, and COOPERATION.  I want Harmony now!”

2.  CONNECT WITH YOUR HEART.          

Intend to respond from your heart in a calm and loving manner. 

EXAMPLE:  “I choose to connect with my heart now.  I ACCEPT and LOVE MYSELF just as I am.  I ACCEPT and LOVE my CHILD just as s/he is.  I choose to make a heart connection with my child.  I choose to communicate in a way that makes both of us feel respected and understood.  I choose to see this as an OPPORTUNITY to help my children communicate to find win-win solutions. WHAT WOULD LOVE DO/SAY in this situation? I choose to be GUIDED by the higher wisdom of my Divine Self.  I TRUST that it is so.  I let it go now.”

3.  BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT IS ALREADY YOURS.

Believe you can have what you desire.  Accept it as yours—allow it.

 EXAMPLE: "I choose PEACE within myself and in my home. I intend to feel at Peace no matter what my external circumstances are.  I accept Peace as my experience now. I choose LOVE. I intend to be LOVING even when those around me cannot choose it. I see LOVE all around me.  I choose JOY. I intend to be JOYOUS even in the face of negativity. I now see JOY in my home.  I choose COMPASSION. I intend to be compassionate no matter what.  I AM Peace, therefore I experience Peace." 

4.  EXPRESS GRATITUDE, JOY AND LOVE.

Increase your vibration with gratitude and love.

EXAMPLE:  “I am GRATEFUL that I now experience complete and total PEACE in my home and with my family.  JOY fills my heart.  I feel so HAPPY that I now experience love in my heart and in my life.  I see where I can express and share love and I do so easily now.  I AM loving.  I AM joyous.  I AM grateful.”

 5.  COMMUNICATE FROM YOUR HEART.

Express your needs/desires, feelings, and intentions to your children.  Come up with a win-win solution for all involved.

EXAMPLE:  Say to your children, “I intend a peaceful and loving family.  I am so grateful for all the joy we have together in this house.  It makes me sad when I see you fight.  Would you be willing to speak kindly to each other and come up with a solution that works for both of you?”

When your children feel your unconditional love and acceptance, it is easier for you to communicate your needs and for them to accept your desire for cooperation, harmony and boundaries.

I find it helpful to go through the first four “Parenting Through Your Heart” steps above BEFORE the actual “fighting scenario” occurs.  I set my intentions for my day first thing in the morning when I am feeling calm.  This practice helps with two things: 

1. it sets the energy for my day so that I attract to me what I desire.

2. it makes it easier for me to access the peaceful and joyful feelings when I need them.

The Law of Attraction dictates that our relationships are highly influenced by our expectations and how we feel.  Therefore, envision peace and love for yourself and your family.  See the qualities you want to see within yourself and in your children.

Holding the intention to be loving, kind, compassionate and firm will make you feel better.  As you feel better, you will project these feelings to your loved ones and they will reflect that back to you. 

Your new vision, intentions and positive feelings will also attract to you the tools you need to help you create your desired experiences.  For example, you may come across a book on parenting, communication skills or on how to handle your emotions in a positive way.  This new information enhances your relationship with your loved-ones and brings you more joy.

This is the magic of the Law of Attraction, also called “The Law of Love.”

By Dumari Dancoes

(c) Children Lights  2007

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