EFT, Emotional Freedom for Parents

Parenting through Your Heart Series (Part V)

"Even though I feel extremely frustrated with my child's behavior, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."

The above statement (along with simple tapping with my fingers on specific areas on my body) has saved my sanity many times! Not only has it helped me feel more peaceful and centered right after I thought I would “lose it,” but it has also made it easier for me to come from a place of love when addressing my children in emotionally intense situations.

What I am talking about here is called the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT.

I have found EFT to be a very effective tool we parents can use to help us deal with the natural negative emotions that we often feel. Parenting is filled with emotionally intense moments and EFT can help!

The Emotional Freedom Technique is a system that uses tapping on specific energy points in your body with the intention to bring healing. It is similar to acupressure and other Chinese medicine methods in that it works under the premise that the body is an energy system.

According to EFT, healing in the body occurs through restoring energy balance and flow within it. EFT can bring about healing at the emotional, mental and physical levels. For instance, healing can manifest as releasing negative emotions, transforming negative beliefs into positive ones, and even bringing about physical healings.

Do you remember feeling angry, frustrated, guilty, disappointed, confused, embarrassed, or overwhelmed as a parent? These are perfect opportunities for you to use EFT!

The Emotional Freedom Technique has a basic recipe which consists of 3 parts:
        1. The Setup Phrase
        2. The Tapping Sequence
        3. The Follow Up

 

The Setup Phrase

The Setup Phrase identifies the emotion or issue you want to address. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” or “What is the problem?”

Once you identify the emotion or issue, you want to assess your level of discomfort. “How bad do I feel? If I could give this feeling or intensity a number from 0 to 10, 0 being no distress and 10 being awful, what number would it be?”

Let’s say that you are feeling angry because your children are fighting once again. Your intensity level is an 8.

Your Setup Phrase would sound like this, “Even though I feel angry because my children are fighting again, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

Saying this powerful phrase enables you to recognize the issue you want to bring to balance and set your intention to heal it, plus you add the power of love into the equation. At an energy level, the healing starts here.

Now you repeat the Setup Phrase 3 times while tapping on the karate chop point on your hand (see the illustration). Tap gently, but firmly with two fingers as you say, “Even though I feel angry because my children are fighting again, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
 

The Tapping Sequence

Now it is time to restore the energy flow in your body related to that issue. This is accomplished through tapping on seven basic energy or meridian points in your body (see illustration).
 

    EB = Eye Brow

    SE = Side of Eye

    UE = Under the Eye

    UN = Under the Nose

    CH = Chin

    CB = Collarbone

    UA = Under the Arm

Select an easy Reminder Phrase that triggers your memory of the issue as you tap. An example in this case would be, “this anger.”

Tap 5 – 7 times on each meridian point. Tap gently, but firmly with two fingers as you say, “this anger” once on each point. Start at the side of one eyebrow and go down each point repeating the Reminder Phrase, until you reach the bottom point, under the arm.

It does not matter which hand (right or left) you use for tapping. Most people use their dominant hand and you may even switch hands.

When you are done with the Tapping Sequence, take a deep breath. This helps the energy flow where it needs to go.

 

The Follow Up

Reassess your intensity level. Has it gone down? Is it still there? Check in with yourself. Is something different coming up, like a different feeling or thought? What you notice will then be part of the next Setup Phrase until you feel “complete” or the intensity level is down to 0.

For example, if you are still feeling angry and the intensity level has decreased to 6, you start the basic recipe again with a Setup Phrase like this, “Even though I still feel angry, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

If you notice a different thought coming to you, like “I don’t know what else to do!” then your next Setup Phrase would sound like this, “Even though I don’t know what else to do, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.’

 

My EFT Story

Once I experienced the above scenario myself. It was a winter day and my boys were playing football in our finished basement. They were having a good time, but then something happened and the laughs turned into yells and pushing. I came “to the rescue,” using my heart-based communication skills and my loving intentions.

My boys didn’t even acknowledge my words or presence. They just wanted to keep arguing. I tried again to help them work it out in a peaceful way, but they didn’t want to! Pretty quickly, I was feeling as angry as they were!

I felt angry, ignored, and ineffective.

At that moment, I remembered that I had a tool that could help me feel calm and centered again: EFT. So I left the “fighting scene” and went to a private place where I could focus on me: the bathroom!

After identifying the negative emotions and thoughts that were coming up, I started the tapping sequence. Interestingly, my boys then stopped fighting and decided to focus on me! They were now outside the bathroom door working together to get my attention. I heard them laughing!

I told them that I needed a time out and I would let them know when I was ready to come out. After another 3 minutes of tapping, I felt better. I then heard an intuitive message that has helped me immensely in how my children’s behaviors affect me. The voice within my head said, “Your happiness does not depend on other people’s behavior. Your happiness is a choice that comes from within yourself.”

Thanks to EFT I was able to regain my inner peace and receive this beautiful insight that has greatly impacted my life.

EFT has also facilitated incredible results in the emotional well-being of many parents I know. Here’s how it helped Kate,

"EFT is amazing.  It really works to change my thoughts and emotions. Before, I would feel a negative emotion and try to focus on the positive, but could not. Now, I do EFT and the negative emotion melts away and positive thoughts and feelings are free to enter my mind and body.”

 

I invite you to try the Emotional Freedom Technique and experience its powerful effects.  Remember,

"Your happiness does not depend on other people's behavior.  Your happiness is a choice that comes from within yourself."
 

To assist you in using EFT, I have included the EFT Basic Recipe Reminders below. You can also visit Gary Craig’s (the creator of EFT) website (www.emofree.com) and you can contact me for EFT coaching at www.ChildrenLights.com/Services.

Love,
Dumari

By Dumari Dancoes

(c) Children Lights  2008

[Back to Top]

[Back to Main Articles Page]